Nothing New (Impostors)

Why is it we go to places where we feel like impostors? In Joseph Conrad's book Heart of Darkness, Marlow has just been told he is going to the Congo River for another mission. Even though, he did not entirely agree with the objectives of his trip, he still decided to go. "I was an impostor.", was the only thing he was thinking before boarding the ship. The feeling of pretending to be someone your not is not new to me.  When I went backpacking in Alaska I encountered three grizzly bears and I asked myself "what are you doing here?". If we feel like impostors, why do we keep putting ourselves in that situation? Marlow and I both acted upon something we individually questioned, only to prove to "someone" that we can.

Marlow was offered a job by the Belgium Company. I went on summer camp to specifically go backpacking. In both cases we each knew what to expect and what sort of tasks we would be doing in this unknown land. We both had an uneasy feeling of being "impostors" before we even arrived. Why is it that we went? It is unclear. All I do know is that we were both encouraged. Marlow was encouraged by the Company while it was me that persuaded myself to try something new. This "persuasion" is a strong power to have over somebody. It can be used for both positive and negative effects. It is up to the person with the "power" in their hands. 

Marlow's persuasion could have been money, while mine was to achieve a personal goal. We put ourselves in these positions to get something in return. I will get a good memory and Marlow a good payday. Humans adapt, Marlow and I both knew that the  uneasy feelings would go away as soon, so why not have a few nights of restless sleep in order to get something that is even better. 

How important to Heart of Darkness is the fact that Marlow feels like an impostor? It's not. Every human that leaves his or her comfort zone will feel like an impostor. If somebody all of the sudden goes to New Zealand from an ordinary suburban lifestyle in New York, they will feel like an impostor. The fact that Marlow felt like an impostor doesn't give us insight that he is going to do something "evil" to the natives in the Congo River, it just tells us he is a regular human being that happens to feel uncomfortable in his current situation.